Hockey Manswers - Part One

Today in Part One of Hockey Manswers we will take a look at answers usually given to sports reporters by professional hockey players/NHL GM's and break them down to their true meaning, because we all know there is no such thing as 110%, it just doesn't make sense does it? I drank 100% of my coke and I WISH there was 10% more I could drink, it was one of those really good coke's that went down above average, sadly...the can only holds 100%, stupid can, obviously not a hockey player type of can.







Reporter  - It's been a tough stretch lately (insert Ottawa Senator player name here), what does the team have to do to end this drought?

Hockey Player - well I think we have to get a better effort from our back end

Transalation = (Our Goalie lets in softies, so what the hell is the point in trying for 60 minutes when a 75mph slapshot from centre ice goes top shelf off the blade of @BizNasty2point0)

Reporter - What do you need to do to beat Pittsburgh tonight, and how do you shut down Crosby & Malkin?

Hockey Player - we're really going to have to bear down on those 2 tonight and make them earn everything they get

Translation = (Dude... it's Sidney Crosby & Evgeni Malkin, we likely aren't going to shut them down and probably won't win, stop asking stupid questions, if it was as simple as just shutting them down, Pittsburgh would suck wouldn't they? Yes they would.. )

Reporter - What about the fans who want to make a run at the cup this year? how do you explain to them that these moves are for the future, and this year is now tanked?

GM - our plan isn't squeaking into the 8th spot and getting our a** handed to us by Philly in the 1st round

Translation = (the fans that want to make a run this year and expect us to keep players who will have no value next year and beyond are clueless and (insert best WWE Rock voice here - it doesn't matter what they think, those fans are usually the ones you can spot sporting a mullet and 70's retro jersey with their own name on the back, or in the people of Walmart emails)

Reporter - there is 10 games left and the team is 4 points out of the playoffs, what do you have to do to sneak into that 8th spot?

Hockey Player - we have to play every game like it's the stanley cup finals, make sure we give 110% every shift

Translation = (what do we have to do? we have to win idiot.. what else would we have to do? take a walk in central park and feed birds maybe?, or build popsicle stick boats and float them down a river, maybe that will work? how about this, what do you have to do to stop from being a complete moron? ask yourself that one.

Part 2 continues Monday, until then, tape your stick and keep it away from ice